Urgently Wanted : Federal Ministers

*Urgently Wanted : Federal Ministers *

* *

The Federal cabinet, currently operating with a small team of sixty one
members, urgently requires experienced and dynamic new ministers to fill up
a large number of challenging assignments lying vacant due to the
non-availability of suitably qualified and experienced candidates.

The Ministers required

� *Minister for promotion of vani, karokari and jirgas.* The
applicant must be able to show bonafide evidence of his participation in at
least 10 jirgas. Knowledge and deep personal commitment to the traditions of
Vani, Karo kari and other similar compensatory mechanisms is an essential
pre-requisite.

� *Minister for burials and graveyards:* This is a sensitive assignment
and would require improvement in burial procedures specially relating to
those women who are pre-maturely killed for such heinous crimes as wanting
to get married to persons of their own choice. Preference will be given to
ex-senators and those already serving in provincial cabinets.

� *Minister for pointing fingers:* This highly complex assignment
requires the minister to point fingers during press conferences, typically
towards carefully selected journalists, to indicate who should speak next.

� *Minister for elimination of wild boars, dogs and other such animals:
* This ministry is not as simple as it looks. The minister will be
responsible to get the unwanted wild boars out of the President and the PM
House. He/she shall also be responsible to create a strategy for
elimination of dogs from Khairpur and other such districts, where they are
currently being used to maul women whenever ordered by a local jirga. As
either the Jirgas or the dogs must be eliminated to get rid of this menace ,
the government has decided to retain the Jirgas and get rid of the dogs.

� * Minister for non-religious affairs:* We already have six
ministers, one each for Ushar, Zakat, Haj, Moon-sighting, Muharram and
other Religious affairs. We now need a minister who could point out what
is non-religious about all these religious ministries. Candidates who have
been earlier allotted free agricultural lands or diesel licenses need not
apply.

� *Minister for unofficial foreign visits:* This minister will be
full time responsible to create reasons, make arrangements, issue statements
and plan yet more official looking unofficial visits for the president and
the prime Minister. His task is to keep these two gentlemen out of the
country for at least 75% of the time.

* Qualification & Experience:*

Applicants must possess verifiable evidence of skill and excellence in
their area of expertise. While a formal degree is not required, a
non-recognisable vague qualification such as diploma in 'education' from any
unknown institute would be desirable. Those with experience of driving
around without number plates, participating or presiding in Jirgas, wanted
by courts or having been in jail for corruption charges would be given
preference.

*Salary, allowances and privileges.*

As you are primarily interested only in serving the poor people of
Pakistan, your basic salary shall be Rs.80,000 per month only. Your hard
work shall however be partly compensated by perks and perquisites, some of
which are mentioned below:

a. One Prado/land Cruiser for self and three for staff and family.

b. A monthly foreign trip to observe elections being held in a
country of your choice. Additional trips can be arranged depending upon
your areas of expertise. These could be leading a Pakistani delegation to
an interfaith conference, Kashmir conference , cultural conference, sports
conference, or a conference on how to identify where such conferences are
being held.

c. Two free 'Umras' per year, that include a 4 nights stay in Saudi
Arabia in a 5 star hotel. All expenses paid.

d. One free bungalow in Islamabad in any sector of your choice

e. Unlimited free travel and stay throughout Pakistan.

f. You may recommend upto 8000 friends, relatives and well wishers
to receive monthly grants from Mohtrama Shaheed Benazir Bhutto fund.

g. You may recommend upto three hundred friends, relatives and well
wishers per month to get employment in government organisations.

h. Free use of President House for Mehndi, marriage, and Valima
ceremony for self, family and friends. Advance booking is recommended to
avoid disappointment.
i. Free medical treatment and medicines for self, friends and
family. This facility however does not include free compensation for any
violence that you and your family members may commit against the medical
staff of the hospital.

--
Saif

Restore the Judiciary NOW